lindseykuper: A figure, wearing a pink shirt decorated with a heart, looks upward from between dark shapes that suggest buildings. (Default)
[personal profile] lindseykuper

I am now five months pregnant, and have reached the point where not-especially-close acquaintances and sometimes even strangers comment on it.

At this stage of Baby Kuper Rudnick's life, when people ask if it's a boy or a girl, what they're actually asking is what its genitals are shaped like. It's funny how people who presumably understand that it would be rude to ask me what my genitals are shaped like see no problem with asking me the same thing about my unborn child. The latter strikes me as, if anything, an even more intrusive question.

Anyway, when people ask, "Do you know what you're having?", I've been trying to make a point of smiling broadly and saying, "Yeah, we're pretty sure it's a baby."

Date: 2017-03-22 05:25 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] neelk
Have people started giving you unsolicited childcare advice yet? If not, I want to be first!

So here's my advice: infants are very small humans, and each human is a unique individual. As a result, advice that works really well for your friends or relatives may well fail disastrously for you, and vice-versa. So use other people's advice for inspiration, but don't worry if any given technique doesn't work for you -- just observe your baby and trust your own judgment.

Date: 2017-03-23 03:24 pm (UTC)
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)
From: [personal profile] tim
One of my friends said that when she was pregnant, when people asked her "when will you know the gender?", she said, "based on my understanding of child development, in about 3 to 4 years."

Date: 2017-03-23 05:46 pm (UTC)
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)
From: [personal profile] tim
It depends on the kid, but in some cases, yeah :) (obviously the age when you know is going to trend earlier the less you steer a kid towards their assigned gender and make it scary to diverge from it.)

Date: 2017-03-24 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] neelk
My son really only started to show some interest in gender differences around the time he started preschool. He came to the conclusion that there were four genders: male, female, children, and disabled -- because those were four kinds of toilets at his school. Explaining that this is not quite how it worked was surprisingly difficult, because it actually is a perfectly rational inference. (He also taped a hand-drawn sign on the door to our apartment's bathroom with all the symbols on it so that everybody would know they were allowed to use it.)

My daughter was definite that she was a girl right after she turned two. (It might even have been earlier, but her language production wasn't strong enough to make it clear earlier.) I sometimes rhyme my children's names with a fruit as an endearment, and one day I called out "Come here, Jaya papaya", and she marched up to me and told me in a stern voice, "I'm not a papaya. I'm a girl."

Date: 2017-04-11 03:15 am (UTC)
toorsdenote: (Default)
From: [personal profile] toorsdenote
Weighing in belatedly to say that Abi was self-identifying as a boy by 3 or 4.

Also he once had a tantrum at age maybe 2.5 or 3 when he said something about growing a beard and I told him he wouldn't ever grow a beard.

Joke's on me!

Date: 2017-03-26 10:45 pm (UTC)
winterkoninkje: shadowcrane (clean) (Default)
From: [personal profile] winterkoninkje
"Yeah, we're pretty sure it's a baby."


Date: 2017-05-02 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
To me, some more interesting questions than "what are you having" are: Do you, the parent(s), want to know ahead of time? Do your family members want to know? If the ultrasound tech knows, do you want them to tell you? Would you prefer to be surprised? Do you think knowing the gender influences your thoughts/feelings/actions? Do you care what gender the baby is assigned at birth? Why or why not? Etc.

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